Monday, October 22, 2012
This CANNOT be happening to me...... Not now! Not ever!
Throughout my life I have been prescribed anti-depressant but always chose to go without and did just fine. Until now. Why now? Well, I finally admitted to myself that I need something more than "will power" to get me thru the day. After talking to a dear friend I immediately called and made an appointment to see my dr. I was prescribed a medication along with therapy. I didn't realize it at first but by the 4th week I noticed a change in me. NO DEPRESSION. Because I never want to be dependent on these pills to make me feel better, the non medical expert that I am decided that it was time to stop. In educating myself with this drug I read that it was recommended to notify my Dr. right away if I should decide to stop. Well, I didn't. I just stopped. Plus I should mention that I unplanned had a Cadillac Margarita this past weekend. So the responsible thinker decided that it was okay to stop. A Cadillac Margarita was a good sign that I was over my depression. Maybe I wasn't even THAT depressed to begin with. So I stopped taking the medication. Well, 4 days later I am back to where I was a month ago. I feel myself sinking in this web of hopelessness. I do have things going on right now that make me sad but to have this full blown body trapped in a dark cave is not the way I want to live my life. How can I escape this body or my mind from drawing me out of existence? Nothing at the moment is convincing me to turn away from having these feelings. It's over powering my every mood. Is this going to be ME, the rest of my life?????? I hate to think so. Am I going to be a slave to these anti-depressants???? The thought of that makes me cry......... for how long must I be dependent on this medication. Talk it out. I did. Still nothing shakes me. I am at the core of oblivion. Food is supposed to be my addiction. Not by choice of course, that's just the way I've lived my life. I am reminded of that every morning I do look at myself. Now, these pills. What's it going to do to me? What's it going to be like the rest of my life? I need to make a choice, suck it up and pretend nothing is wrong. Or, see how far, how long I can go with it or without. This cannot be happening to me. NOT me. Not NOW. I can feel the will power it takes for me to convince others that I am okay. Even when they are not asking or cannot see the pain I am trapped in. I play music as loud as can to tune out the sadness. My family is loving and caring but it doesn't make a bit of difference. I look for ways out but I am so trapped. Quiet solitude feels better by the moment. I'm becoming familiar to the uncertainties of my life. I don't know how to change it. Yes, I guess I do need to start taking those pills at the same time everyday from now on for the rest of my life.......
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Everything I Own-Bread // I Have a Dream-Westlife
I have a dream, a song to sing
to help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in Angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in Angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream- I have a dream
I have a dream, a fantasy
to help me through reality
And my destination
makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness
still another mile
I believe in Angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in Angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream- I have a dream
I'll cross the stream- I have a dream
Blog: Newman's Own www.
Why Stand?
- LOVE
- For Better or for Worse
- In Sickness and in Health
The dis-ease theory of MLC - Opposition to divorce
- Marriage is a covenant
- For the kids
- Faith he will come through...better
- You know you are supposed to be together
- To learn and grow by not giving up, but by improving yourself and learning about relationships
- The person you loved and married is still in there somewhere
- You understand what part you played in this and you've grown from it
- You are being true to yourself and your heart
Monday, May 23, 2011
An outstandingly simple illustration
Reflect on this ...
One brother asked us to reflect on the amount of experience that Satan has in watching us.
He has thoroughly studied and watched us, our parents, our parents' parents, and so on.
He knows exactly how to catch us, because he knows our weaknesses.
Not only that, but he has learned organization from Jehovah himself.
Therefore he is a model at organizing the demons to work at snaring us.
Then the brother said, "It is hard to catch a fish that is full". - Why?
Because when they are full, they are not as interested in the bait.
Spiritually, if we stay well-fed, prepare, meditate, attend our meetings, and participate in the ministry whole-souled, we will be spiritually full and therefore Satan's enticements will be less alluring.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Another Great Weekend at Big Bear
Got to spend some quality time with family & friends
I am so ready for the next visit there, 4 days is NOT enough
& these are the talented photographers exploring the outdoors
Thanks Girls!
(more pics to come)
A man was on the side of the road with a large birdcage. A boy noticed that the cage was full of birds of many kinds.
"Where did you get those birds?" he asked.
"Oh, all over the place," the man replied. "I lure them with crumbs, pretend I'm their friend then when they are close, I net them and shove them into my cage."
"And what are you going to do with them now?"
The man grinned, "I'm going to prod them with sticks, and get them really mad so they fight and kill each other. Those that survive,
I will kill. None will escape."
The boy looked steadily at the man. What made him do such things? He looked into the cruel, hard eyes. Then he looked at the birds, defenseless, without hope.
"Can I buy those birds?" the boy asked.
The man hid a smile, aware that he could be on to a good thing if he played his cards right. "Well," he said hesitantly, "The cage is pretty expensive, and I spent a lot of time collecting these birds, I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll let you have the lot, birds, cage and all for ten pounds and that jacket you're wearing."
The boy paused, ten pounds was all he had, and the jacket was new and very special, in fact it was his prized possession. Slowly, he took out the ten pounds and handed it over, then even more slowly he took off his jacket, gave it one last look then handed that over too.
And then (well, you've guessed it) he opened the door and let the birds go free.
The Enemy of the world, Satan, was on the side of life's road with a very large cage. The man coming towards him noticed that it was crammed full of people of every kind, young, old, from every race and nation. "Where did you get these people?" the man asked.
"Oh, from all over the world," Satan replied. "I lure them with drink, drugs, lust, lies, anger, hate, love of money and all manner of things. I pretend I'm their friend, out to give them a good time, then when I've hooked them, into the cage they go."
"And what are you going to do with them now?" asked the man.
Satan grinned. "I'm going to prod them, provoke them, get them to hate and destroy each other; I'll stir up racial hatred, defiance of law and order; I'll make people bored, lonely, dissatisfied, confused and restless. It's easy. People will always listen to what I offer them and (what's better) blame God for the outcome!"
"And then what?" the man asked.
"Those who do not destroy themselves, I will destroy. None will escape me."
The man stepped forward. "Can I buy these people from you?" he asked.
Satan snarled, "Yes, but it will cost you your life."
So Jesus, the son of God, paid for your release, your freedom from Satan's trap, with His own life, on a torture stake
The door is open, and anyone, whom Satan has deceived and caged, can be set free. God supplies all our needs one day at a time. For with God, nothing is impossible. Are you ready to step out of the cage?
"Where did you get those birds?" he asked.
"Oh, all over the place," the man replied. "I lure them with crumbs, pretend I'm their friend then when they are close, I net them and shove them into my cage."
"And what are you going to do with them now?"
The man grinned, "I'm going to prod them with sticks, and get them really mad so they fight and kill each other. Those that survive,
I will kill. None will escape."
The boy looked steadily at the man. What made him do such things? He looked into the cruel, hard eyes. Then he looked at the birds, defenseless, without hope.
"Can I buy those birds?" the boy asked.
The man hid a smile, aware that he could be on to a good thing if he played his cards right. "Well," he said hesitantly, "The cage is pretty expensive, and I spent a lot of time collecting these birds, I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll let you have the lot, birds, cage and all for ten pounds and that jacket you're wearing."
The boy paused, ten pounds was all he had, and the jacket was new and very special, in fact it was his prized possession. Slowly, he took out the ten pounds and handed it over, then even more slowly he took off his jacket, gave it one last look then handed that over too.
And then (well, you've guessed it) he opened the door and let the birds go free.
The Enemy of the world, Satan, was on the side of life's road with a very large cage. The man coming towards him noticed that it was crammed full of people of every kind, young, old, from every race and nation. "Where did you get these people?" the man asked.
"Oh, from all over the world," Satan replied. "I lure them with drink, drugs, lust, lies, anger, hate, love of money and all manner of things. I pretend I'm their friend, out to give them a good time, then when I've hooked them, into the cage they go."
"And what are you going to do with them now?" asked the man.
Satan grinned. "I'm going to prod them, provoke them, get them to hate and destroy each other; I'll stir up racial hatred, defiance of law and order; I'll make people bored, lonely, dissatisfied, confused and restless. It's easy. People will always listen to what I offer them and (what's better) blame God for the outcome!"
"And then what?" the man asked.
"Those who do not destroy themselves, I will destroy. None will escape me."
The man stepped forward. "Can I buy these people from you?" he asked.
Satan snarled, "Yes, but it will cost you your life."
So Jesus, the son of God, paid for your release, your freedom from Satan's trap, with His own life, on a torture stake
The door is open, and anyone, whom Satan has deceived and caged, can be set free. God supplies all our needs one day at a time. For with God, nothing is impossible. Are you ready to step out of the cage?
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
When leaving The Worldly Mall, make a turn-around and go to Faith Blvd. Keep straight on Lamp onto Roadway. There you must turn onto the Endurance Bridge, which crosses over Troubled Water. When you get off the bridge, do not turn right or left, but keep straight. (You are now on Narrow Road.)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Bring Your Umbrella
One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain."
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
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