Grief

 Maybe you can understand that

The worst part of the day is

when for a brief moment

I actually think that

I can call my friend.

Then the mind & heart react

just as quickly

without a moment to miss

& the tears start flowing

as if waiting to burst out.

Sometimes I wipe the tears

before they reach the cheek.

Hoping no one can see the pain.

Other times

I let them run their course,

down my face they go.

What’s the point of holding it in?

even if I try to, I can’t

hold them back

keep them,

 from expressing

the void in my life.

Why can’t I reach out

and call my friend

I have learned much about this word in the past 2 years. And I don’t know if this is normal grieving, writing & sharing this with you. I am sorry if this makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you too have lost someone in your life and can relate to the grief that consumes me.Truth be told, I find comfort in sharing with you & reminding you that on this day a year ago, my dear friend Carolyn passed away. I made this in memory of her. Maybe you can understand that for a brief moment it helps me to deal with the loss & the void in my life. I also want to leave you with this memory of my friend. The last outing we had together was at our favorite dessert place, Dairy Queen. This was after one of her Dr. visits. She always had coupons too. We would find excuses to reward ourselves, we did quite often. This day we found ourselves with our treat on hand in the parking lot of Walgreens not too far away from Dairy Queen. We sat and ate in quiet. We watched people come & go. I don’t know what was going on in her mind but it was very present in mine that this would likely be the last time we would do something fun together.  We indulged in our ice cream. She was in obvious pain, so I hurried her home. At the end of all this grief and although painful, it just reminds me how ever so grateful I am to our Heavenly Father for providing His son as a ransom. We can see our dead loved ones again. We can live forever. & eat Ice Cream all day if we want to.

~Sandra Mendoza

Live everyday as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy

Even with our knowledge of the resurrection hope and the knowledge that one day we will have our loved ones back, the void and emptiness they leave behind can sometimes be unbearable. The reason death is so hard to accept is because it was never meant to be, we were never meant to be seperated from those we love but when that happens we grieve, and we hurt and we ask why even though we know why. We are sad, we are mad, we get depressed and it is all a normal way of coping, afterall we are only human. Comforting though is the thought that as much as we want them back with us, Jehovah can't wait to give them back to us. He will be just as happy if not happier when that time comes. So we need to just plug along and not get so down that it discourages us from doing the work we still have to do for our heavenly father who knows how much we are hurting, but who takes us by our hand and leads us along, as long as we don't let go. Our loved ones have paid the price already with their death and are safe in Jehovah's memory. Now we need to work hard to be there to welcome them back. Their's is just a temporary absense. Take care. Your friend Connie

Sandra, Thank you for sharing, that was beautiful, and writing and expressing how you feel, is also healing. I believe your friend Carolyn is around you.  Im sure that when you are feeling blue, you can hear her voice in your head, telling you that everything will be fine, or you are reminded of all that she went through, and that snaps you back into believing that tomorrow will be a better day, because you are alive.  If she helped you become a better person, or taught you something u didnt know, or shared things with you, which Im sure she did because she was a close friend, then she lives within you.  She is not here, but she touched your life in a special way and therefore is with you. The sad part is that you cant touch her, be in her presence or pick up the phone to call her.  Dont hold back the tears cry, cry , cry.......once you have done that, your heart wont be as heavy.  You will be able to go on.  Im sure Carolyn would not want to see you grieving, she would tell you..."Sandra, I am around you, I am happy where I am now, I have no more pain.  I am at peace." Easier said then done, I know.........I didnt know Carloyn, but as I was writing this to you, I also felt tears burning in my eyes.  Because I know the pain of loss, and I also know that I will not be spared of that pain, I know that again it will come.  That is why we should enjoy one another as much as possible and focus on the positives. I LOVE YOU SANDRA!!!!!!!!  I gotta come to see you soon. Hi Sandra, It's Sue.  Was very touched by reading your letter regarding grief.  I know it is hard to deal with.  I have had to lose my mom and dad and Carolyn as well.  It will get easier as the years go by--and they seem to go by much too quickly.  Can't believe that it's been a year already since Carolyn passed away. Sandra, What a great moment you had with her. I'm sure there're many more great moments you had together. It was a emotional kind of day for me and others that care for her. Linda